Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
