Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
