I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she peed on how many people?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
