____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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