I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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