Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
