You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
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I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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