im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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