I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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