My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
