im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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