i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
