My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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