this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
