They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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