I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
