If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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