found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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