I puked a lego.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
