Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i barfeds in our rink
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
