Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
