You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My life is pants optional.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
