So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
