when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She needs sedatives and a leash
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
