So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
