yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
