Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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