Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
