Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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