Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
