So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
