I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
