I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
