he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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