doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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