Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
