Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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