you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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