remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
