Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
