we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
