Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
