I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
