U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Semen is not good for contacts.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
