I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
