I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
