I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
