So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
