I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
