What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
