we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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