He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
