'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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