wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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