Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
