That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
