My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
