We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
PANTIES FOUND
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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