dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
