He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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