It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
