is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
did you just send me my own nude
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
