i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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