I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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