Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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