so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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