after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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