dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
