I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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