I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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