I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry about my life...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
