did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
