plz talk dirty to me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
