i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
