So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
