OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
