I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
