please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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