He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
its liver damage thursday
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
