he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
